I’ve done a lot of work on myself over the years, but my inner critic still has a way of showing up when I least expect it. In this vlog, I’m talking about what happened when that voice came back, sent me into a shame spiral, and had me judging myself, questioning my self-worth, and slipping back into negative thoughts and negative self talk.
It’s amazing how quickly old patterns can make you forget everything you know about yourself.
I’m sharing how I try to catch that self judgement before it takes over, reframe the thoughts that are making me feel small, and remind myself that one hard moment does not define my identity or my worth. If you’re wondering how to silence your inner critic, stop judging yourself, get out of a shame spiral, or stop being so hard on yourself, I hope this feels like a reminder that healing isn’t about never having negative thoughts again. It’s about learning how to recognize them, reframe them, and come back to yourself.
My inner critic yesterday, she was feeling herself. She was like, oh, I remember this. Oh, we've done this so many times. And she can get loud. I don't know if it's a she, I don't know if it's a he, I don't know if it's a them. It's, I don't know. It doesn't feel like me necessarily, but it's like in my head, but my inner critic can get so loud. And just dive right into that old form that she, they, them used to have. And remember all those doubts, all those negative things that I have practiced for many, many, many, many years and just jump right in and start criticizing me and start telling me all the things that I used to think were true, right?
That I've had to work immensely to get past. I mean, like I'm a ruminator, I have worked on affirmations, self-love, like until the cows come home, all these practices, mirror practices, self-love and affirmations that I told myself because, and that I felt like I was lying. You know, I felt like I was lying for years, telling myself I had value, telling myself, I am good enough. When I felt like all my brain could do was dig up evidence of the reverse of that, right?
And so yesterday, I don't know why, I don't know if it's hormones, I don't know if I was just tired, I didn't know if I didn't eat right, I don't know what it was, right? It could have been a host of factors, it probably was. And it doesn't matter. I just like, I decided that I wasn't good enough and my inner critic just jumped right in and was like, I got this, oh, I got this. Like, you're like, damn it. You do got this inner critic because you're so good at it because we practiced it over and over and over and over for years.
And like I done so good, but yesterday, it just got the best of me, right? It just popped right back in. And I felt like everything in my life that I wasn't doing wasn't good enough. I felt like down on myself, I felt like nobody loves me and there's like this old wound that I've got that no one wants to come to my party, right? And so that just translates into like, if I'm putting anything out or like, if I'm not getting text from my friends even, I mean, like whatever it is, right?
It just translates into all these different forms and like no one wants to come to your party, Amy. And so yesterday, that just rears its head, right? And I'm like, see there, there we are again. And like my voice, I can feel my voice getting a little choked up. So I'm like on the verge of tears all day and I felt a little tapped out anyway because I hadn't slept great. And so I'm tapped out. My daughter is sick on the couch and she's been sick for a couple days.
And so I say, I know she loves canes, right? And canes chicken. And so I was like, do you want some canes? And like her little face was like canes to do tail. And I was like, okay, she wants canes. So I leave and go to get canes and I'm driving and I pull onto the shoulder and then I was like, I'm not gonna turn into canes right now. I need to go to the grocery store. I need to grab an anniversary card from my husband, whatever. So I continue down the shoulder.
What do you think happens, right? A cop sees me. I'm in a part of town that is like, they love pulling people over. And so I get pulled over in the HEP parking lot. I'm like, fuck. And I'm just like see there. I can't even do this right. It was like this confirmation of everything that I'm doing wrong. And I'm embarrassed about it now. I didn't even tell my husband. I haven't told my daughter this. I didn't tell anybody this. So I get pulled over. It's a woman police officer, which I'm kind of glad I like when police officers better.
I mean, no offense to the men police officers, but I have immediately like, what have I done wrong? They're gonna arrest me. I immediately am like fearful when I get pulled over. And so anyway, she comes up and I'm just like, yep, yep, see here. I'm doing everything wrong. And so she's starting to tell me what I did wrong, right? And I'm trying to, I'm guessing it was the shoulder. I don't know. And she's like, you don't even know what you did wrong. What I'm pulling you over.
And I'm like, I don't know. I, she goes, and suddenly she goes, you seem upset. I said, well, I am. And I burst into tears. I'm never that person that like cries for cops. You know, have you ever heard people say, I'll go, I start crying and then I get out of it. That's never been me. I'm usually just like fearing, fearing like what's gonna happen. I'm in trouble, but I'm in trouble response. Like, like with authority and I have a problem with authority anyway.
And so I have problem with rules. And so anyway, I'm just like bursting into tears, which I can't even believe. And I start telling her, well, I'm just doing everything wrong. And now I'm getting a ticket. She's like, who, who said you're getting a ticket? Who said you're getting a ticket? And I was like, well, I don't know. You know what I'm like? And then I'm like, I just know that I do everything wrong of my life. And she was like, okay, just no one said you're getting a ticket.
And I'm like, maybe I'm not getting a ticket. And I'm like, okay. And then she's like calms me down. And then she just talks to me for a second. She's like, you know what? Everything's all right right now. I just, that spot always bothers me when people are on the shoulder. So she, she talks through it right, goes back to her car, comes back. And then she comes back to me and she's like, and I'm sitting there just breathing and silence. And she's like, she's like, totally gives me just the most basic good advice.
She's like, now I'm just giving you a warning today. And she's like, and listen. You can just turn on some tunes in your car. Sun's out, you can get some sunshine. That's good for you. She like totally talks me down, you know? And like, and you know, the thing is, we've all been there. She probably just got it like in her gut, you know? Because I'm just a little teary. This is, we're all human at the end of the day, right? We're all human. We make up these stories in our head.
When we're not even meeting our own basic needs. And we're so good at making up stories. At least I am. Oh my gosh, I am a master at making up stories. I can, I can make up a story with the best of them. I mean, tell me, like, on the days you feel like you're not creative, like just go like, what stories have I made up lately? Cause personally, I can make up like a, like a zillion. So, and that's, that's why I'm telling you this. That's why I'm telling you this.
It's because it reminded me of our own humanity. And that this inner critic is, doesn't go away. It's just their dormant because we're human. Cause it's just in there. This is like part of this experience that we're having, this human experience that we're having. And we simply have to find those tools to overcome it. And it's, it, like, for me anyway, no matter what I do or the tools that I use, is still there just practiced and waiting to rear its head, to rear their head, her head, it said, I don't know.
Oh, man, you know, there's no shame in it. That's the thing, there's no shame in it. We are human. This is part of our experience. This is what's happening. So it's just, it's just, okay, I'm right here, like doing it too, if you're doing it, you resonate with this, I get it, I'm doing it. That's why I'm sitting here talking about this, standing here talking about this, whatever. Okay, so you know what else I did? Oh my gosh, I just, I just remember this. I was just telling you, so one of my, one of my things is I eat to cope.
And when I'm feeling bad, I eat it just, it's the thing I love a bag of chips because it takes a long time to eat. So it's like, I don't have to feel the feelings for that long and I love chips. And so I'll just eat chips. I eat an entire bag of chips when I got home, which I didn't wanna do. And I wasn't even hungry, but I did it anyway. And while I was doing it, I was like, I know I shouldn't be doing this. I know what I'm doing right now. Like I recognized it in the moment, in the moment with the chips.
That's our agreement on yet. My favorite. So yeah, so I ate the chips, whatever. And you know what, I gave myself some grace around it. And I still couldn't quite see a way out, but I did do a few things that have helped me get out of it. And so like the Virgo in me has to have the roadmap out, you know, even though there's not a clear roadmap, one size doesn't fit all, I know all that. But I still, the Virgo in me is still like, tell me what to do, how do I fix this?
And so I'm here to share, like let's share some tools that we can, you know, use to, to at least start to feel better when we need to write the ship, when we're filling this way. Right? And so, because like it's still lingering, I'm not totally done. I wanna eat chips right now, but I went for a walk today. And I showered and I slept, you know, I read instead of scrolled, just like those really basic things. And I kept thinking about what that police officer told me, right?
Get some sunshine. Like do the little things that we know we need to do, that we would tell our kid to do, that we would do. I saw this girl on social media the other day. She was like, just treat yourself like you're one of your Sims characters. Now I don't play Sims, but my daughter has, and I understand the general concept, like that they, I've seen them when they get all like, you know, that was me yesterday, right? When they get all like depressed and like hungry or whatever they are.
So you're like, oh, I need to feed my sim. I need to, you know, give it to some love and care. I need to give it its basic necessities. And it's the same with a kid, it's the same with a plant. Like take your pick of any of the things that you need to take care of, right? And like we have to, if we can have all these voices in our head, then we can have a good one too that's gonna be like our little parent, right? Our little caretaker, our, I don't know, Sim Master.
I don't know what they call it on the Sims. So, you know, that's the thing that helped me get through it yesterday, today. I had that just a little bit of separation enough to say, okay, you need sleep. You need to eat something healthy. You need to get out and go for a walk. You need to pet your dog. You need to like, showering my energy, man. It's just, it's so simple sometimes. And yet we can just sit in our little festering ball for me on my couch, right?
And my little, little cloud of like darkness, my gray cloud I sit in the middle of, and then I just let it continue, right? And I feel depressed. And so I have to actively have like that person inside me say, you can step out of this and like, you know, here's the little baby steps that we're gonna do. We're gonna sit you outside with a book for a few minutes. That sort of thing. So that's the caretaking. So that's one of my basic, most basic tools, right? And of course, I did force myself go to sleep last night, which that's a good one, too.
All right, so let's, I'm gonna light some polisanto here. And if you can hear my lighter, it's right here, but my microphone. So I'm gonna light this polisanto. I'm gonna cleanse our air a little bit. If this is resonated with you, man, I just, all I can say is I get it. Thank you. Like, just remember we're all human. We don't have shame about this. We don't have to feel shame about this. Cause I did feel some shame. I was like, come on. You're lucky. Like look at the hands you've been dealt.
Look at, you know, everybody's healthy. Like my husband had a little health thing come up the other day and everything's fine. And like, I'm like, oh my gosh. All right, so I got my polisanto lit. If you want something light, something man, it's nice. Feels good, right? It clears the air. It clears those charged particles that we can feel around us that are energy. So I'm doing that right now. Okay. And I'm just gonna value to take a deep breath with me. I'm like, let's just, let's just say some things to us.
Let's say some things that are truths, right? Truth that we may not believe right now. And like for me, I can just forget so easily. I'm so practiced at it as a ruminator. So practiced. And those old habits die real fucking hard. For me, they absolutely do. And I'll know that that's not how I want to feel. I'll know that that's not what I want to do. And yet I'll do it anyway. I'll fall into those old patterns in my brain that I've worked so hard to overcome.
But man, when they get hold, they hold on tight. So let's just tell ourselves the things, right? And I can tell when I'm not doing my affirmations. Do your, do your, if you're doing Paul Sonto, do it under your arms and all around you. So I recorded affirmations and you know what, when I'm not doing them, like I said, when I'm not doing them, I can tell, I can tell those voices, they just start creeping right back in. So you gotta be diligent. I gotta be diligent.
We gotta be diligent. Diligent against these forces that can come into our mind that are, let me add, perfectly natural, right? Okay, I mean, I don't, it's a rare bird that's immune, right? Maybe they had a perfect upbringing. And I don't know that there is such a thing. We're having a human experience. It's natural unless you're a psychopath or a sociopath or something. So narcissists, which we're not. So deep breath, let it out slowly. Loosen up, let any tension just flow away for a second.
I just know like, I am worthy. I'm gonna say I, right? Repeat after me. Feel free. Say it out loud. That's even better when you say it out loud. When you can hear your own voice. I'm worthy. I'm valuable. I am always doing enough. I am right on track with where I'm supposed to be. I am loved. I am loving. I'm kind, I'm a good person. I'm showing up. I'm showing up. And you know, I had some dark thoughts yesterday. And maybe you do too sometimes. Like dark. You know what I mean?
And like, that's okay. Okay? Cause you're showing up again. You're getting up, showing up. Put on your shoes, put on your pants. I'm showing up. I'm showing up. I'm showing up. Showing a brother, showing up for myself. Treating myself like the little plant that I am. You need a little sunlight. You need a little positive environment. You know how, when you talk nice to a plant versus talking mean to a plant, they die, that's you. That's me. We are the plant.
The affirmations are the thing that's talking us. That's what we're doing. Woo! Woo! Yes, you got this, you got this. I got this, you know? I got this. I was totally gonna record something different today. And I was like, I gotta record this. This is on my heart. And I just, like, I would love to know your thoughts if this connected with you at all. And I just wanna thank you for being here because I feel like I'm on the verge of tears right now. That's how hard this hit me.
So, if it ever hits you, you're not alone. We are having a human experience and we have all these fields. So you don't what I'm gonna do. It's my anniversary this weekend. I am going to go spend time with my husband in nature. And I think that's probably about the healthiest thing I can do. So I'm taking care of my plant. Taking care of my plant. And so I just, I love you. Thank you so much for being here. And you just, you keep shining bright, even when it feels like a tiny little ember that you're gonna have to blow on, you know?
Cause I had an ember yesterday. My shining bright was, let me just get on my microscope and check it out. It was low. It was low. So you are loved, you are loving, you are all the things you are valuable, you are enough. You are amazing, you are light in this world. I am light in this world. We are lighting up together because when we shine and come together, we shine even brighter. Some of our best days haven't even happened yet. And we can keep shining, no matter what.
No matter what those fucking voices in our head wanna try to tell us, no matter the lies. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, you are loved, keep shining bright. Till next time.