Can you feel sexy after 50? Yes, and it has nothing to do with the next injection. In this honest midlife conversation, I'm talking about feeling sexy after 50, what natural sexiness really means, and how to age naturally in a world of filters, fillers, and Hollywood magic. I'm sitting here in hair extensions, makeup, and breast implants, so I get the irony. I share the cognitive dissonance I felt watching Practical Magic 2 and why nobody seems to know what aging naturally looks like anymore. If you've ever searched for how to be attractive after 40 or how to be attractive after 50, the answer starts with a feeling, not a face: the "I matter" energy.
This episode is for any woman looking for midlife advice, midlife tips, or proof that sexy women over 50 and sexy women over 40 are not a myth. These midlife conversations are about self-love after 40, self-love after 50, and how to love yourself as you age without waiting for a new look or a smaller number on the scale. I share what happened when I gained 50 pounds and felt sexier than I ever had, and what that taught me about how to love your aging body at any size. Feeling sexy after 50 doesn't require reinvention. It requires using your voice, putting yourself on your own priority list, and letting more laughter, ease, and flow into your days.
If you're asking how to feel sexy after menopause, or working on menopause and confidence at the same time, I hope this reminds you that changing hormones, breakouts, and a changing body are not problems to fix. They're part of the story. I share two simple practices for self care in your 40s and self care in your 50s: a daily "I matter" ritual, and a future-self writing exercise about aging with purpose. Think of it as your permission slip for how to embrace aging gracefully. Whether you want to lift weights at 75, start a business, or just feel radiant in your own skin, aging with purpose is how you stay vibrant. For more midlife advice, self-love after 50, and honest midlife conversations, keep listening.
Natural sexiness with age? Is that possible? What does that look like? Ah, let's get into it. We are being fed all sorts of things that will cause this cognitive dissonance, right? I mean, look at me. I'm sitting here talking about natural sexiness as we age. I got hair extensions, babe. I got makeup on. I got this dress on. I have breast implants. I mean, I've had things done to my face. I haven't had surgery, but I mean, like I get things done on the reg. What is this natural sexiness? What is this line that we're walking to feel this embodiment, this glowing, this natural sexiness?
Where does it come from? How do we navigate this as we get older? I'm 54 and trust me, I'm feeling it. I went to see Practical Magic 2 and I was completely confused. I experienced a lot of cognitive dissonance because I saw the first one in real time in 1998. And you're looking at these two women that look like they really haven't aged. And meanwhile, as I was watching it, I was like, wait, I wonder how old Diane Wiest and Stockard Channing were in the original. They were 50 and 54.
Not sure which was which. I think Diane Wiest was 50 and Stockard Channing was 54. And you're like, what? Because they looked significantly older even than that back then. So your brain starts to spin. At least mine does. So how do we navigate this? What does naturally sexy even mean? And how do we walk this line? And like, I know. Here I am. And you know what? Let me just sidebar and say I am all for anybody doing anything that they want to do that they think is right for them.
I am all for it. Or nothing at all. I don't care. Right? Live and let live. And women in Hollywood, you know what? Bless you. I don't know what you've had to go through. I don't know what Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman have had to endure in Hollywood. But I bet they've got some stories to tell. If we could get them drunk and hear the stories, oh, I bet they would be jaw droppers. Right? And so, you know, until you've walked in somebody's shoes, right? Like, we can't judge. I mean, we can.
But it's not going to look good on our face. And it's not going to do our hearts any good. It's not going to help our shine. Right? We don't know what all went on there. But I do know that I did experience some cognitive dissonance. And then I looked at Stalker Channing and Diane Weiss. And I was like, oh, hell yeah, Queens. Look at them. Still making movies. Still thriving. Saw them on the red carpet. And I was like, wow. Wow. So you're like, what does naturally sexy look like? And we're all getting brainwashed, right?
So we don't even know what natural aging looks like. I feel like I don't. Right? In fact, I don't even know that I knew way back when I thought I knew. Because my mom had surgery at age 50. Like, I don't know. Like, what is it even? So, you know, you just end up, like, confused. And so I think that we have to define it for ourselves. Naturally, sexy means whatever you want it to mean. Right? Whatever your, it's a spectrum. So wherever that's falling for you. And for me, I don't go around looking like this all the time.
Like, I go around without makeup on most of the time. And I do get eyelashes put on. I do get my nails done. You know, I do do these things because they make me feel good. They make me feel like I'm taking care of myself. They make me feel more polished. They make me feel more presentable. And if people want to judge that, they totally can. I really don't care. Right? I'm way past that point. But I found myself really getting into what does naturally sexy mean? You know, because it's not the next injection.
We can be sexy without doing a damn thing to our face. So what is it? What is that je ne sais quoi that we, like, think of that I really want to see when I watch these women up on screen? Right? The Julianne Moores, the ones that are more evocative and still sexy as they age. Right? Like, what is that? And I think deep down, it's that energy of mattering. Mattering to yourself. Mattering to the world. Showing yourself that you matter. When you use your voice, you are putting out an energy of I matter.
And when you step into caring for yourself and putting yourself as a priority, that is that natural, beautiful sexiness. Right? It's also leaning into more laughter and ease and flow in your life. That, there's something so effervescent and radiant about laughter, about ease, about flow. Right? I mean, like, I'm packed in this dress and I don't care. I might unzip it. Like, I might. And because, like, you've got to be able to just be like, whatever. You know, whatever. Whatever. Like, I want to just, that's part of it too, right?
That honesty. That's so charming. That's so natural. Like, I want to tell you what's really going on because, like, whatever. You need it, you don't. You want it? You want to know what I'm doing? Yeah, that's what I'm doing. But is that what lies at the core of me feeling naturally sexy? No, it's not. No, it's not. It is about ease, flow, trust, and love. I think love is at that core. Love for myself. Love for life. Love for the ability to show up. Love for using my voice. Love for this next day available to me.
How fucking fabulous is that? It's really fucking fabulous. So, I think in the past, too, I've talked about rigidity. Rigidity is going to tie you up in a way. I mean, just think about rigidity of your own muscles, right? Think about the difference when you're tight and, like, your face is tight versus, like, relaxed and in flow and allowing, right? Like, that's a metaphor. Actually, it's not even a metaphor. Like, that's a physical manifestation of the actuality, right? This rigidity that can tie us up away from the direction that we want to go.
Because we want to be in that flow state and we want to feel natural and in our own sexiness and embodied in that way. I do. I do. I really do. And I think you do, too, because you're here. All right. So, I think, too, a great example of this, and I've talked about it before, is when I gained 50 pounds. I gained 50 pounds just a few years ago. And I, like, felt sexier than I ever had. And it was completely perplexing to me because I felt naturally just sexy and good.
And my husband just saw the inner me and did not care. He literally never said one thing about my weight. That's pretty fucking dope, right? I was really like, wow, because I've had other experiences with men where they said something about my weight and, frankly, with women. And you know what? It's about that inner fire. And when you are ignited in that just self-love, that emanates out into this natural sexiness. That's where it lies. Loving life and loving yourself. I mean, I did eventually lose the weight. And my clothes fit again and all that.
And I felt better myself. But it was just so eye-opening to me that I could be naturally sexy at any weight and in any way. And it's just a shocker, right? And I think that's kind of this paradox that lies within it, right? I think there's a paradox of like when you are striving for it and are trying to be something, it's elusive. There's a chasing energy. And instead, when we relax and just are like, this is me right now, that's that natural hotness and sexiness. That's what it is. So that paradox is just not going after it and sitting back into ourselves, into this hand we've been dealt, this beautiful life we've been given.
And if you want to, you know, try and make the most of what you got, go for it. Go for it. All day long. I mean, I feel like that's what I'm doing. I'm just trying to like make the most of this hand I've been dealt. And people are like, oh, easy for you to say. Yo, I don't look like this. Like, I had a unibrow. And I mean, like my face keeps breaking out. So I put some makeup on, you know? I mean, like it's hormonal. It's menopause. It's whatever.
It's all the things. And that's okay. It is absolutely okay. I'm here to tell you. Do you remember that scene in I'm going to get you sucko when she like, he takes the girl home and she like takes off her leg and she takes off her wig and she takes off like, I mean, like, it's okay. Who's to say she wasn't naturally just gorgeous? If you haven't seen that movie, I know. It's an old 80s reference right there. Okay, so it's, you know, part of this natural sexiness too is just stepping into this person that we want to become and into who we are meant to be, into our own purpose.
And just letting go of these past things that have led us into doubt and into fear of who we really are, of our own power. And that's a natural way, a natural path to sexiness, to being naturally sexy. So this you matter energy is really, I think, one of the keys. So I'm going to give you a little exercise to do. You know, I love to give you a little exercise to do. So when you say I matter and you start taking care of yourself, I mean, that can be as simple as taking a few minutes in the morning to greet the sun and breathe the air and lift your arms and smile and hug yourself or flirt with yourself.
Make yourself a beautiful tea and put a little, you know, garnishment on the side. I personally love oranges. So like giving myself a little orange slice on my drink is like a little treat, right? It's these little things that we can do to flirt with life, flirt with ourselves, and just naturally channel all this beautiful energy that's within us. And when we start to show ourselves we matter, we start to believe it, right? It exudes forth in our own confidence. It exudes out of us. And you know what? And then other people are like, oh, you matter.
You seem to matter. Because that's what we're showing. That's what we're modeling to the world. Okay, so the exercise. So the exercise is to, and I saw this somewhere. So I just got this idea from something I saw online. And it was about describing yourself at 80 and what you did between the ages of 59 and 80. And I feel like we almost just write this off. Like, oh, you're just going to whatever, go to church or go to, you know, your old lady meeting. And then go home and that's that.
And then you're in assisted living. Bye-bye. No. Right. Like, what are you accomplishing between that age? Because you're vibrant and healthy. Maybe you want to become a weightlifter. I see those babes that are like weightlifting at 75. Oh, my God. Yes, please. I want to do that. Like, that's one of my goals. I keep thinking about it. So maybe you want to give back in a different way. You know, partner with a nonprofit. Maybe you want to start a business. I know that's wild, right? Maybe you want to start it in a whole different way than what you've done in the past and do it with ease and flow.
Maybe it lights you up. So I would say make this list of future you. And if you don't know what to say, ask future you. Hey, what am I doing then? Thriving version of me that's in this timeline that's like the maximum amazing impactful timeline? Yeah. Write that down. Get that list going. I'm going to do this exercise too. I think it is just so fantastic because it really can direct you into a way where you are embodying a natural sexiness, a natural magnetism, a natural beauty and glow. Yes. When you look at that, let it light you up and start pursuing.
Why not? You're already showing up for yourself in this way. Which kudos to you for that. I'm so happy that you're here. Please like, subscribe, share all the things. Subscribe to the newsletter too. There's a link in the show notes. And I'm just so happy to be connecting with you. And I'm sending you so much love because you can do this aging thing absolutely any way you damn well please. So let's go. Hell to the yeah. You got this. Keep shining bright. Till next time. Bye. ...