How I Manifested My Husband (After 2 Divorces)

Amy Edwards: I am about to tell you exactly what I did, and it's so easy. So let's go. Now, as I said, there's three components to this. So what you're going to do is use your notes app and you're going to start a list of all the things that you would really love in a partner. Right? Easy enough. And maybe you thought about this, but you haven't written it down. So you're going to write it down, and you're going to keep everything in the positive. So if like for instance, like I had I thought back, I reflected on my two marriages, and then I had been dating for a while and like the narrative around dating is always so just loaded, right, and negative.

And it's always, you know, there's nobody good out there. Oh, my gosh, it's awful. I mean, like on and on. Words have so much power that we have to watch what we're saying and calling in all the time. And I got real real conscious of that, and I was like, man, we got a lot of just crap on repeat, especially around dating. And I was like, I don't want to do that. If I'm not enjoying it, then I don't want to do it. So how do I like even shift into enjoying it and and calling in somebody that I really like?

And I was in my late 40s, so I didn't even know. I didn't think I would ever get married again. And now, here I am. I'm married for the third time, third time and final time, I mean, like forever time. And I met him when I was 48, and he was 33. He's a little younger than me. And and even then, I thought, oh, you know, I'm sure it's not going to last because he'll want to have kids, but turns out he didn't. So anyway, though, that's beside the point. The point is that if you're going to do something, find a way to enjoy it, to make it fun for you, because life's too short.

We got to enjoy these things, and we got to have the right mindset and call things in with our words. And so if you're like friend circles Yeah, I mean it can be fun to swipe, you know, and and pick on how it's going, or go over a date and all that. I certainly understand that, but I think that we have to watch what we're saying and calling in to ourselves. And so that's kind of like a side bar on how this evolved and and it really did just evolve for me. And I have shared what I do with so many people.

This list that I have made. I'm pointing at my list, because it's it's pulled up on my computer, because I'm going to read some of it to you. And I I have shared this with so many friends over the years, the whole list, and I'm like just do this, because it absolutely positively works and it's so easy and you just end up happy. You just end up like feeling so good. So you're going to start that list, and I was going to say I dated this guy this is just a for instance, like you can reflect on any relationship, any date, or just friends that you know who have a partner, and you're like, I want that.

I don't want that. Maybe you see something. But I remember this one guy, he smelled so good, and I was like, oh, I like how I feel when I'm with him. I like the way he smells. But like he wouldn't really kiss me in public. There was no PDA. There was no public affection. There was He wouldn't open my car door for me, and I was just like, uh, that's not going to work. So instead of me writing on the list like I don't want X, you write what you do want. So you want to flip everything into the positive.

So if you if you don't want someone who walks ahead of you, say somebody who you'd write somebody who enjoys walking beside me, right? Enjoys holding my hand. Will show affection in public. Those are the types of things that you're going to start on your list. And the reason I say do it on your notes app or on your phone is because it can be this evolving list. And I think that's so beautiful about it, because it's like this alive thing that, you know, you're starting to percolate on, and it's starting to really be part of your energy.

And so you're able to just get in there and like constantly update it. And I I just glanced at mine and it says, waits for me, because I had had people that that walked in front of me and like you've seen those memes, right, or those reels where the woman is like the guy is walking way in front of her, not helping her, like uh-uh, we don't want any of that energy. So this is I'm going to read you some of mine. Actually, I'm going to read them to you in a minute. I'm going to give you the second component first before I read you some of mine.

So as you're writing these out, it starts to turn into a person that is a like total badass, right? And this is good. This process goes for anybody. Anybody that wants to call someone amazing in. And I don't even really know that I wanted to call someone amazing in. I just was sort of like open to it, but kind of thought, I don't know if it's ever going to happen for me. I still want to be happy in myself, but I might as well get intentional about it in case, just in case, it happens to happen.

So this is good for everybody. So as you're forming this, you are going to start to see an outline of a person that is really freaking amazing. And as I did this and I wrote this out, I started to think like, holy crap. This guy I I realized I wanted a guy. I had dated around. Dated men and women, and whatever, and I realized I wanted a a male partner and a man. And so I wrote him at the top, and and you may not know, and that's okay, even if you don't know, like these are about the qualities of the person for the most part.

You can get more specific if you want. But as it started to form, I was like, wow, okay, this guy that I'm imagining is a stud, like a badass. And I started to go, who He's with someone who's a real badass. And I started to go like, oh, boy. Like, the pressure. So I was like it occurred to me that I have to be the person that he would be with. So as I wrote this list, I started a new list below it. I wrote who and who am I? And I started to list the qualities of the person that that dream person would be with.

So those are components one and two. So easy, right? And you just start to think, cuz like for me, I feel like sometimes in relationships I've been the one that does like the lion's share of things. Like like as far as podcast sharing, you know. Like as far as like, oh, my gosh, this is cool and interesting and like I've been the one to kind of put it out there and bring it to the table or something, and be doing interesting things. And I was like, I want somebody that's doing a lot of interesting things and filling my cup the way that I feel I fill theirs.

Feel theirs. The way that I feel theirs. Do you know what I mean? I know you do. And so, okay, so now I'm going to read you a few of the things that I put on my list of him, okay? And some of them are out there. Like I started throwing in the kitchen sink. I started going big, and you know what? I ended up with a man that blew my socks off, that ended up being more than I ever dreamed of. And I want to say that the that they don't all have to be there right off the bat, okay?

Cuz one of them in mine was has a good time sober, which he did, but he still had a road to recovery in the beginning of our relationship, which that's a whole nother story. It's all on my YouTube somewhere if you want to do a deep dive. But Justin and I had have been very open about his path to recovery and he went to treatment and all that. But he still had that growth mindset of showing up and being better and better and better, and that's the type of person that I was looking for. Number one on my like list of qualities in a person is growth mindset.

And I mean like sense of humor, yeah, I love a sense of humor, too, but a growth mindset, man, yeah, golly, it's really a beautiful thing, because they're willing to learn to communicate better. They're willing to step up and say, hey, maybe I'm not perfect, but I can grow and I can do better and I can learn. And that is fucking awesome, right? Okay. So here we go. Enthusiasm about life and about me and isn't too cool to show it. I'm always sure of how he feels and that he loves me. He always lets me know.

Like I didn't want confusion, right? If you don't want confusion, say he always lets me know. I was just talking to a friend. I was getting my getting my extensions done at The Collective, and she was telling me like, I'm not confused at all with the new relationship she's in, and I was like, that is like worth its weight. You want to know where you stand, and clarity is just such a beautiful gift in a relationship. Not even a gift. It should be the standard, for real, right? All right, let's go on. Affection in public and in private.

If I get a little crazy, he's nice to me. I mean, you know. Gets up in the morning, does his stuff. I wrote I wrote earns hundreds of thousands of dollars every 2 months. We're not there. But hey, a girl can dream. Is in the moment, is into me, passionate, hilarious, we laugh a lot, someone who chooses me and us and his wellness over all else, puts his phone down at night and prioritizes us, chooses sobriety and consistency, is honest with me about it all, sends me flowers a lot, I'm still working on that one, okay?

I feel safe in every way with him. Like nervous system safety. Oof. That's hot. That is hot, right? And we don't we don't automatically think of that. Instead, you just like sort of get this low-level anxiety that we get used to and accustomed to, and it's like no. No. Okay. Sends me flowers, feels safe in every way, waits for me, holds my hand, fun, consistent in action, right? Consistency in their action, not just their words. Financially responsible, playful, hot body, 6'3, 6'4, 6'5, I wanted someone tall. I did put good dick that works, okay? I mean, you know what?

Add it all in, right? If if physical, you know, intimacy is a priority for you, add it in there, for sure. Has reverence for me, smart, organized, nonsmoker, into brain science, good dresser, empathetic, good travel companion, can take good photos, has a great eye. Oh, my gosh, his dad was a photographer, and he was trained like when he was young, and can take a good picture of me. I mean, girls girls, we know. We know what that's like. Can't keep his hands off me. Well-respected, pays for things, takes me on trips, independent, good listener, gives me foot massages.

Right? I mean like it goes on and on. Great smile, happy to see me, kiss me in public, loves to dance and dance with me, sleeps well and doesn't snore. You know, let's hope that one stays. Tattoos either way. I said tattoos either way. Into music. Parties at my same pace or less. Like I just I just didn't want to have to take care of someone drunk at the end of the night. You know what I mean? So has a And then I wrote things like has a cool name. Is a star, like TV, movie, business, speaking, athlete, music or star of some kind.

Like that's where I say I threw in the kitchen sink. I went big. And I was like, I don't I want somebody who's really doing something with his life. And boy, did I get it. I don't know if you know, my husband is a former UFC fighter and now started a nonprofit. So I mean like these things can happen. So just write them down. But you can see how I was like, whoa, he's with someone awesome. So what does that look like? So there's still a few more, right? Opens doors for me, makes me a priority, not an option.

My love language is thoughtfulness, so that was a big part of putting that in here. Someone who can fill my cup like I fill theirs, you know, sends me interesting podcasts, like that sort of thing. So then I wrote, and who am I? And I wrote I think the last sentence I wrote on this is that I know my value and I live by it. So that is a big part of the crux of who he's with and who I am. And so what I did was work instead I just kept filling out the top list of like who this person is, and kind of adding to it over time.

But I really just decided to become that person that awesome person that someone like that is with. So I and then you're you end up so happy in yourself that it doesn't even matter. You're magnetic as you are. You're alive, you're free, you don't get attached easily because you are secure in yourself. You've done the work to calm your own nervous system, and you speak your boundaries. So I make him a priority. I show emotion and vulnerability. I allow him to treat me well, because I think I had to learn to receive, which I'm sure many of you can understand that, right?

It's It can be challenging to receive. We can fight against it, we can get, you know, avoidant, things like that. I I am funny and make jokes to him a lot. We laugh a ton. I'm feminine. I receive. I support myself. I'm wealthy. I'm healthy. I give in many ways. I support and invest in causes I care about. I'm balanced in my life. I am sexy and confident. I have a gorgeous smile. I am fit and have an awesome body. I do yoga. I'm mostly vegan. I am. But that's sort of like the person that that I want to be.

Anyway, mostly vegan. I I eat bacon every now and then. I ate some cheese today at a party. I'm an amazing mom who trusts I'm doing enough. I'm the top female podcaster in the world. That one's still a work in progress. I give him great massages, and you know, a few other physical physical things right there. I'm a fully embodied goddess. I send podcasts and articles that enhance us. I'm affectionist affectionate. I'm moving up at all times. I'm consistent. I am in my highest vibes in the moment. We inspire each other. We are I am successful.

I prioritize our relationship, my children, and our time together as a family. I take very good care of myself. I love my friends and make time for them. I think that's a great one, right? You love your friends and make time for them. That's that's a big important facet of who I am, right? I want to have my own life. I love my friends and make time for them. Always look like a fucking rock star. Now, I don't always. I look like a hobo sometimes. But is that I hope that's okay to say. Yeah. I look like, you know, in sweats a lot of the time, too.

But always know my I know my value and I live by it, and I'm not saying that this is perfect at all. I have ups and downs all the time, but I have this sort of road map of consistency of like an idea of who I really am and who I who I am striving to be as this version of me, and feel good in who I am. And like once I started really doing this, that was when we met. And I just I had such a security in myself that at the beginning of our relationship, he was like, I might want an open relationship.

And I was like, all right, then. I'm not going to be, you know, what is it, exclusive with you then. And then he was like, wait a minute, you know. I was like, hey, if you don't want it, I don't want it, right? I want someone who claims me and loves me for me. And if you're not him, then we can have fun, but that's not going to be, you know, an exclusive relationship that I'm going to keep this woman happy right here. And so anyway, it I I ended up realizing that like with him, if I I wanted something more, and I wasn't willing to betray myself or I You know, I don't like the term abandon myself, but I wasn't willing to compromise who I was, so that's the idea.

So that's what you do. You start to embody this person. And the third facet, I don't have it on my note anymore, but this is what I did. Whenever I went on a date, instead of well, if there was something I didn't like, like the guy I told you about, if there was something I didn't like, I would shift that into the positive and add it to the list of in the person I wanted. But if there was something I did like, I made a Frankenstein list, and so I would list the name of the person that I went out with, and then I would list whatever the quality was that I liked about that person.

I was like, oh, I did like this about them. And then suddenly you're focusing on the things that you want, not the things that you don't want, which is a key to manifestation. You have to focus on those things that you do want, the positives. Otherwise, the universe just hears oh, like can't manage anger, or something like that, and then they give you someone who can't manage I don't want someone who can't manage their anger, and then you just get someone who can't manage their anger, right? That's all the universe hears, and you're like, uh-uh, I want somebody who has a really solid communication style and is willing to listen.

Right? So you you shift that in. So whoever you've dated, I mean, like there were there was a guy I dated that, you know, had like created a lot of stuff, and done really good in the world, and I was like, I like that, you know? And there was Gosh, I'm trying I haven't didn't I didn't really prepare this. It's been a while. It's been six years now that Justin and I have been together, but I, you know, took all these dates that I went on, and I didn't get attached to people. I just enjoyed it, and I allowed myself to enjoy it.

Even the day that I went on a date with Justin for the first time, I had another date that day, and I wasn't going to get attached to anybody, but once I met Justin, I was like, oh, this is a lot closer to the type of person that I have on my list that I'm trying to manifest, and a couple of the other guys I was seeing, I knew I had to break it off with them because I needed to show the universe, hey, I am ready to move in this direction with someone more like this.

Like it may not be him, but I'm ready to keep moving in that direction. So that's what I did, and I still kept dating some people, but I noticed like, okay, who's more like on this on par with this is of what I'm looking for, you know? And so that's really important to pay attention to. So first thing, you've got to make that list of the person, right, and let it evolve. Just, you know, you may be going somewhere, and you may just think of something. Maybe you're on public transit and you're like, oh, I'll just jot this down in my in my notes.

And or maybe you'll see someone, a friend that maybe I don't know, has to has a partner that drinks too much and you're like, mm, I don't want somebody who drinks too much, and instead, you'd say somebody that is responsible and has a good time sober, right? And so maybe then you are manifesting more sobriety, too, in your own life. That's just one example. But you get the idea. So that's all you have to do. Write that list. Write who that person's with, and you just work to become that, and your little Frankenstein list is a fun little third thing to do.

That's your third component. So I would love to hear how this hits for you and what you think of it, and have you tried it? And like I said, I have shared this list with so many people, so I'll I would love to hear how this hits for you, so please let me know. Please let me know in the comments what you think of this, and and if it's something that you would try or have tried. I'm very curious. So thank you so much for being here, and as I said, this is absolutely possible and this is possible to carry into your relationship that you have, because I still carry this energy of who I am in my relationship now, because I think that's so important.

You never know what tomorrow's going to hold, and we want to keep taking care of ourselves and this gift that we've been given of life, because you are a beautiful soul. You have so much shine in you. So let yourself shine. It's going to feel really good. Might feel a little weird at first, but it's going to feel good, and you can do it. And just the fact that you're turning up here is so freaking badass, and that shows that you're ready to get into this growth mindset, this next level of energy, this frequency. Yes, it's woo, but it feels damn good.

So thank you so much for being here. Join the newsletter if you haven't. The link's in the show notes, and subscribe, please. Send this to a friend. Talk about it. Do it with a friend. Oh, my god, that'd be so cool to have a friend to do this with and get together and bounce it off and be like, oh, I want this, I want this, I want this. Yeah. Anyway, I'm here for it. Please let me know. And you are loved. You are a badass. You're a shining soul. You keep going, because there's just so much life to still be had no matter what age you are. Some of your best days haven't even happened yet. So keep shining bright. Till next time.