Wondering how to feel sexy in your 40s or how to feel sexy in your 50s? This episode is for you. I'm Amy Edwards, and I'm sharing five mindset shifts and daily habits that have helped me feel more confident, attractive, and genuinely happy in my 50s, because how to age confidently isn't about having everything figured out. It's about learning how to love your aging body, choose yourself, and build a life (and a body image) that feels true to who you are now.
If you've been searching for real 40s life advice, 40s tips, or 50s tips on how to feel confident after 40, I'm walking through the self-love exercises for women that actually changed things for me: learning to enjoy my own company, getting honest about what makes me feel beautiful, and figuring out how to build inner confidence from the inside out instead of waiting for someone else to hand it to me.
This is also a big one for anyone navigating single life in your 40s, because feeling sexy and attractive doesn't require a relationship to validate it. Whether you're looking for 40s advice, 40s living inspiration, 50s life advice, 50s living motivation, midlife tips, or simply a reminder of how to love yourself in your 40s, I hope this conversation helps you feel more confident, more attractive, and more excited about your next chapter.
If you've ever wondered how to get attractive from the inside out, or you're curious how to feel beautiful in your 40s and how to feel beautiful in your 50s, this is that conversation. It doesn't come from a dramatic reinvention, it starts with small daily choices, deeper self-care, and deciding you're worth showing up for.
Psychology of being hot and getting hotter as you age, it's absolutely a thing and we are going to get into it today because it's not about the next injection. It's not about the next thing that you're going to do to your skin or that next thing that you quote-unquote need. It absolutely is not. It's about what you've decided and that's all like up here. Yeah, what have you decided? Hmm? Are there old things that you're still subscribing to? Old beliefs that aren't even yours about aging, about hotness, about sexiness as you get older as a woman especially?
Of course there are. Of course there are. And there's all this untangling that we have to do. But you know, we get misled into thinking, oh, I need that next thing on my face. And have I gotten them? Of course I have. I'm 54 years old. I've gotten it all. Okay, not at all. I haven't had surgery. But you know, I've done a lot of things. And you know what? That's not what moved the needle. When it comes to getting hotter with age, I'll tell you exactly what moves the needle because that's what we're getting into today.
It is about mindset. It is about mind over matter. We will talk some about the matter of it, but it's not what you think. It's not about doing stuff to your face. It's about the inside out for both mind and matter. So if you want to get into the mind, that's where the power really lies if we want to get hotter as we age. And frankly, I do. It's not so much about hotter to be appealing to others, but it's about that feeling of passion, desiring myself, feeling like I matter in the world, feeling just sexy.
Because when you get down to it, it's the validation, if we're seeking that, that's never, ever going to be satisfying. And the older we get, the more we learn that. At least I have. I have searched for validation over and over. And it's never been the thing that satisfies me. The thing that does is self-love. And that's what is so sexy and so hot and so magnetic. You know, it's not about attracting like, you know, somebody that is going to admire you and think, oh, she's hot. That's not what it's about.
It's about a feeling within yourself. Like I am fire and I am lighting up the world. That's the sexiness. That's the heat, right? When we say shining bright, that's that fire inside us, that light that radiates out, that passion that we are embodying. So how do we do that? How have I done it? It's been a process. And that's the thing. It's not perfection. It's a process. But being able to get into an ease and flow of it, that is where the magic lies. Because the older I get, the more I find that everything is a paradox.
Like one way to get hotter is not wanting to get hotter, right? Like it's wanting to be hotter, but it's understanding that it's not about external validation and an external like reinforcement. What it is about is this thing within you that just radiates outward and building that up. And pretty soon you're like, I am one fire babe. I am radiating out into the world, right? And then you don't even care about the validation, but then it comes, right? Then it comes, right? Then you're magnetic and you're like, huh, look at this.
This is, this is like better than my wildest dreams. How am I feeling better in my 50s than I ever was before? How is that possible? I believe me. Like that's the thing that makes me do these videos. That's the thing that's making me show up online the way I am. Because I'm like, this is shocking. I did this work and now I feel great. I feel amazing. I feel sexier in my 50s than I did in my 20s or my 30s. And I mean, that's frankly wild as hell to me.
So, okay. So I, you know, I've been on this path since I would say my late 30s, because I really was trying to figure out who I really was as a woman. And I didn't like this idea that had been fed to me that there was an expiration date on us. And I remember one time I was writing this song, Sell By, because I was a music artist for years in my late 30s till my early 40s. And I was writing a song called Sell By. It's on Spotify. If you want to check it out, this is not a plug for that.
This is just about me writing that. I was like, we are not about an expiration date as women. And I wanted to model that to my own children. And so I wrote and wrote about this. And I remember telling my producer, oh, this is what I'm writing about, how women don't have an expiration date. And he rolls his eyes and he goes, oh my God, I bet you have so much to say about that. And I was like, you know what I do? I've got seven pages written. And the thing was, I had to shape it into something that really came from my heart.
And I did. And I felt so passionate about it. But it was just representative of me rejecting this and all of us, really, the collective, rejecting this thing that has been fed to us and forced upon us for so many years that we are retired and put on a shelf at a certain point. And that is not true. That is not the truth. The truth is we become more powerful as we age. The truth is it's the difference between princess energy and queen energy. Princess energy is shiny and learning. And while we still retain that because we were that, we're stepping into queen energy.
We're stepping into that powerful being that we are. The experience, the letting go of shame, the knowing that we possess the embodiment. Oh, doesn't that feel good? Doesn't that feel hot? Doesn't that feel sexy? And you can look around and see it on women that haven't had any work done, right? Look at people like Sophia Loren, right? She was an embodied, sexy powerhouse. Well into like her 70s and 80s. And she was just looking fire, right? She knew she was. And she embodied that. And that's really what it's about. Look at Rihanna.
I was talking with someone about her the other day. And she, everywhere she goes, she's just this embodiment, this confidence, this way that she carries herself that spills out into the world. And you're like, hey, respect. Because whatever you're doing, it's working. That's where we're going. That is the psychology behind being hot. That is what's going on with this mindset. Because then we start to embody it, and it radiates out. Naturally, we can't help it. It's just going to happen. So I mentioned earlier, what have you decided, right? What was modeled to you?
This may have never been modeled to you when you were growing up, maybe with your aunts, your sisters, your mother. And that's okay. We can find other people that model it for us. That's one of the things I'm trying to do is model that for anyone younger than me. That's one of my goals. And maybe it's yours too. It's not about being younger or, you know, reversing the clock. It's about embodying where I am now and showing others like, oh, this is a powerful hot period in your life. So let's go, girls.
Let's go, queens. Let's go, ladies. Let's go, magnificent beings. That's what it's about. So maybe there's a part of you that's like, yeah, hell yeah. And you can look to women. Maybe it's not me, you know. There's plenty of women online that are aging in a way that is just so hot. And it is inspiring endlessly because you can be whatever you want to be. So you have to look at the beliefs that you already have, I think. Because I had to untangle so many beliefs that I already had. And beliefs about beauty, that it had to be a certain way, that you had to have surgery.
I saw my mother get a facelift pretty young, actually. I didn't realize that until I was 50, but she did it at 50. And I always thought I would do that too. And now I'm like, I don't think I want surgery. I mean, don't quote me on that. Maybe I do someday, but not right now. Like, that's not what I want to embody. I look at someone like Gloria Steinem. Now she is a real queen that inspires me because she was all the things and believed in empowerment for women. And she, I could just talk about her endlessly, right?
But we can find these examples of women that didn't accept what they were told. And they stepped into their own power and their own energy and changed their mindset around it and were sexy till the day they died. Dolly Parton's probably a great example. I mean, she did all the things, you know, and she was just cool with it. So it's kind of like whichever path you want to take, it doesn't matter. We can find these inspiring women. I mean, Dolly, she didn't call herself a feminist, but you know, she stepped up, owned her voice, you know, didn't have kids.
She wanted to, but she didn't. She had, well, I don't want to get into all that, but anyway, you can look it up. But she, you know, she really lived life on her own terms. And it's very, very inspiring to see, right? And she believed in equality for all people. Like, hell yeah. Hell yeah to that, I say. So taking stock of what you're still subscribing to, what you've been fed, and what doesn't align with who you really are, that's a big part of getting into the mindset of your own hot version, your own hottest version, your own next hottest version.
You're growing into becoming this fire being that's rising up. Oh, I get, I get, that lights a fire in me. Oh, I just love it so much. So as I said, that is what I do. That is what I'm all about. And I'm all about, you know, still feeling sexy as I age. And it's not about flawlessness. You know, it's not. Yes, I do look at my face, and I get critical of my neck. And I'm like, Oh, whatever, you know, I do have these, these things come up. That's what we're conditioned to.
And then another part of me is like, you know what, that's not what it's all about. What is it really about? It's about getting passionate. And really feeling confident to express that passion. So maybe you have some things that you're passionate about. That is the hottest. That's where hotness lies. Not the external, the internal, right? It's going to come out as we pursue those passions, as we allow ourselves to try new things, to flow and ease and laugh and be a beginner. Being a beginner is hot. I had a friend once I was like, wanted to take a class with me.
And I was like, let's do this. I can't remember what it was. It was years ago. And she was like, Oh, Amy, you're always trying new things. Like annoyed by it. I was like, yeah, I am. I know I'm excited. I like want to try new things. I want to learn new things. And that's fiery. That's going to light that flame inside of you. Or blow on that ember that you've got in there. I know you do because you're here because you're doing stuff because you're showing up for you. I know it's there.
So another facet is letting go of shame. That's been a huge one for me. To really light that fire inside of you, you got to let go of the shame. You've got to say, Hey, this was my path. And you know what I learned? I learned the shit out of some life. I learned so much about myself and about how other people are and about how other people are and about, oh, this, this crazy hand that we've been dealt. Right? And that is sexy. That is hot. If you want to step into your hotness, just let go of that shame.
I mean, if someone tries to bring it up, you can just go, yeah, so and because judgment and rigidity, absolutely the wrong direction. And you know, they say we get more rigid as we age. I think there's some saying around that. My ex-husband used to always talk about that, that people will, as they age, just stay the course even more. And I think you can see it around us like a lot in, you know, politics and things like that, religion. And we can instead just relax, live and let live. Everyone's on their own path.
And that's really, really beautiful. And part of this mindset, moving into I'm lighting my own fire and living in my own passions and radiating that and embodying this version of me that just feels so good and understands that you're doing you. You're doing you, babe. Yes, I see you. And that's hot. That's super fiery. You know, that just reminds me of like, all those things that like the older I get, the less fucks I give, right? I mean, you see women everywhere saying that. And that's part of it. That's part of the hotness.
Giving less fucks. Like I give so much less of a fuck than I've ever have in my life. And that's probably part of this too. So the sooner that we can embrace this less fuck giving, the hotter we are going to be the more we're going to move into this psychology of I am just fire as a being. And it's going to radiate outward, which we just can't help is just going to radiate outward. All right. So as I said, not flawlessness, we're giving less fucks. It's about embodying this knowledge, this experience, and this power and seizing that energy.
That's the queen energy. That's the one that doesn't have to ask advice from everybody. The one that is discerning, the one that can sit, be quiet, and know what is right for her. It is hot. It is so hot. So you want an exercise to do. I got one. It's nothing fancy. It's nothing that's going to like be too taxing. Just get a piece of paper, notebook. Yeah, pen to paper. Exactly. You can do it on your notes app too. I do like doing things on my notes app because then like, you know, you'll be out somewhere and you'll think of something and you just add to it.
So that's always fun too because then it feels like alive and a growing list. So what you can do is start writing down your experiences and how they have made you more powerful because you're a survivor, babe. You're a survivor. The fact that you have made it to whatever age you are now, you're a survivor, period. Like no question. So what you do is just simply write down like, oh, like for me, it might be, I mean, I got divorced and then I got married and got divorced again. And yes, I am remarried now and it's a completely different ballgame.
But those first, that first divorce in particular showed me that I can survive in ways that I did not think I could. And there were times that were very, very dark. Oh, did you see my body language? I just sank like this when I said that. There were times that were very, very dark and I survived them. I live to tell the tale without shame. That took time too. And that's okay. But that would go on my list, right? And it made me stronger because I am able to know that I can handle anything that comes my way.
My second divorce was harder in a whole different way, but I survived that too. And it just makes you go, you know what? I am stronger than I thought I was. And those are just two of my examples, right? I have a scads of other ones. This is just a great exercise to tune you into all the ways that you not only survive, but turned it around to thrive. That's right. That's you. Because that when you start looking at that list, and understanding who you really are, and the power that you have in your own experience, your own life lived, then you're able to step more into who you really truly are, and want to keep growing into.
And that is so hot. And it's all in here. Oh, and I promised mind and matter. So the matter part of it, you know what, just dial in those hormones. Get a baseline, no matter where you are, do some blood work. It's getting more and more affordable all the time. Get some blood work if you can. Start to get a baseline on your hormones. Start to understand that and dial those in. Because yes, there can definitely be chemistry behind all these things that we're feeling, or if you're feeling very dull, very tired.
I mean, for me, my thyroid was a big one in my early, early 40s. And I had to get that checked out. So you know what, get a handle on the inside, right, your health, because that can be affecting your shine, right? That can be affecting your drive, your passion, and your zest for life. So that's the matter part of it. It's not about, you know, making sure your skin is perfect. Although I did do a face mask today. Because I was like, oh, well, I want to glow. So you know what, buy a face mask, who cares?
So those, though, are not the things that are going to be the real needle movers on your hotness. Because you can see somebody with the most perfect, non moving skin, and there is no fire there at all. And it doesn't make sense, right? You're like, I don't understand. They look beautiful. Why is there? Why am, do I see this other woman who hasn't had any work done? Who's just like vibrant? You're like, that's the one. I'm attracted to her. And I don't mean attracted, like sexually, I just mean, like, magnetized, right?
You're like, I want to be her friend. Yeah, that's the thing, right? It's that fire inside. That's where we ignite and turn hotter every single day with every candle on our cake. Yes, I'm jazzed. Yes, I'm excited. Yes, my camera's shaking. I'm like moving the floor, I think. So anyway, you got this. You got this. I would love to know what's lighting you up. And what experience is just like igniting that fire within you not ignore. I don't even like igniting because it's already there, right? Is blowing on that fire within you.
You are a badass. Join the newsletter if you haven't yet. I'm so happy that you're here. Please subscribe. Follow all the things. I am just so happy to keep connecting and growing with you. And you are turning up for you, which is just so incredible to witness. Keep being you. Keep shining bright. Till next time.